


Five Stages of Falling In Love

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, For Five Stages, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sebastian is being an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: Everyone knew that Sebastian Smythe didn't do relationships. He'd probably be horrible at it. So he knew he was probably better off just being Blaine's friend.This was a lot easier before developing feelings.A Seblaine story in five stages.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 24
Kudos: 104





	Five Stages of Falling In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Your standard future AU in which Blaine came to New York single, and after a few years ran into Sebastian again, striking up a friendship, and that's what you missed on Canon Divergence.
> 
> Warning: There's a scene in stage 2 that can be read as attempted assault, although nothing severe or dark happens.  
> Fic also contains an OC (Sebastian's sister) in stage 1, discussion of a medical emergency in stage 4/5, and also Kurt has an appearance.  
> Also, a vague allegory to the Kuebler-Ross model with nobody being terminally ill.
> 
> (And sure, I could continue the chaptered fic I'm working on, but... I really, really didn't like the look of the number besides "Works" in my profile, what do you want?)

* * *

_I - Denial_

_Do you think mentioning my experience with puppets on my resume is a plus or will it destroy all my chances to ever get cast in anything?_

Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head as he read Blaine’s latest text. He wasn’t quite sure why Blaine would ask him about advice when it came to auditions and castings, not when half his friends were trying to break into the acting business alongside him. But maybe that was the point. Sebastian liked his job at a law firm well enough, had no interest in getting into the acting world. In a way, he could give Blaine a more neutral perspective.

He sent a short text back.

_Depends. Are you auditioning for Avenue Q?_

There was the tiniest pause before the answer came.

_So you agree, I could do Princeton, right?_

He smiled at his phone as he texted his confirmation. It was at that point his thoughts were interrupted.

“Good to know you’re paying attention,” Colette said. Her tone was wry, but there was a certain fondness in her voice. “Blaine?”

“He’s worried about auditions,” Sebastian said with a shrug, taking a sip from his latte to avoid that annoying look his older sister was shooting him. She had perfected it during their childhood, of course. That look like she knew something he didn’t, like the five years age difference were an ocean of maturity. This was so not what he was here for. Not that meeting at a café to discuss his sister’s wedding plans was that thrilling in the first place…

“You cleared the date with him, right?” Colette asked. “He’s coming?”

Sebastian looked up at her in confusion. “I don’t know, did you invite him?”

With a sigh, she pushed a lock of her honey colored hair behind her ear and fixed him with that look, one of his earliest memories of his sister, so clear that he could almost hear the words. _Don’t be obtuse._ “Officially, we haven’t invited anyone,” she said, which fair, he did know, “and obviously, the invitation goes to the both of you.” She must have noticed some of the confusion in his face, because her expression softened. She brought one of her hands down to rest on his and looked at him with an earnestness that made him slightly nauseated. “Look, Sebastian, I know we have our issues. I know it’s difficult, especially with our grandparents, but I don’t care. I even told Maman to tell them, if they can’t accept my brother, or at least behave for one day, then I don’t even want them at my wedding. I love you, and I’d never ask you to hide who you are.”

It was touching, but Sebastian wasn’t quite sure how they’d gotten from “Is your friend coming to the wedding?” to a heartfelt speech about accepting his sexuality.

“Besides,” Colette continued, her voice now much lighter, “we all know Blaine is _way_ too good for you. We’re not risking this one getting away.”

And suddenly, it clicked.

“Uh… Blaine is not my boyfriend.”

“Sure,” Colette said, rolling her eyes. “Come on, Sebastian, are we honestly still doing this?”

“Doing what?”

She blinked, and her expression shifted first into disbelief, then into something eerily similar to pity.

“Oh no,” she said, “ _Sebastian_. Are you honestly _still_ doing this?”

Instead of repeating himself, he raised an eyebrow, holding her gaze.

With a sigh, Colette shook her head. “Hopeless,” she muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sebastian asked.

Colette sighed. “Look, you’re my brother, I love you, but god, are you dumb sometimes.”

“Blaine and I are friends,” Sebastian said, “that’s all.”

“Sure you are,” she said, and it was obvious she didn’t believe a word. “I’ve seen you together. It’s obvious he likes you, and I’ve literally never seen you this stupid about anyone. So, what’s the hold up here?”

“I’m not saying I’m not into him,” Sebastian said with a shrug. His sister knew him too well for him to get away with denying that. “He’s hot. He’s fun. I actually like spending time with him. But… Blaine is different. He wants something serious, a relationship. And well, that’s not me. And even I know better than risk his friendship by trying some friends with benefits thing. So, sorry to disappoint you, Blaine and I remain strictly platonic.”

Colette still looked at him as if she couldn’t believe they were actually related. “Okay. Why?”

Sebastian frowned “I just told you…”

“No, _why_ is that not you?” Colette asked. “I know you’ve styled yourself as some sort of playboy, but… aren’t you getting tired of it? Hooking up with strangers, pretending you don’t want something deeper… You’re not a teenager anymore, Sebastian. You’ve actually grown up a lot. Because of what happened with Blaine, and that kid who tried to off himself… I refuse to believe you’re still in that teenage jerk mindset. Look, our parents messed us both up, but-“

Sebastian shook his head. “Stop, okay? You’ve got it wrong. I actually like my life. This has nothing to do with our parents. And just because you’ve suddenly decided to give love a chance or whatever doesn’t mean that I have to do the same. I’m not that guy. Blaine deserves someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Her face softened. “He deserves someone who loves him,” she replied, as if that was any sort of comeback to what he’d said. “And you deserve to be happy.”

He blinked, not sure how he could respond to that.

With a sigh, Colette took his hand. “Think about it,” she said. “And tell me if Blaine can make the date.”

Sebastian sighed, shaking his head. “Fine. I will,” he said, not sure what part of it he responded to. Then again, if this got her off his back…

“Great,” Colette said. “Now tell me what you think of this wedding band.”

As they listened to samples, interrupted by her fiancé’s messages about color schemes, Sebastian tried to put the earlier conversation out of his mind. He had a good thing going with Blaine. There was no way he’d mess it up by dissecting his feelings.

Not that there were any.

… this would become a problem, wouldn’t it?

* * *

_II – Anger_

  
If there was one thing Sebastian hated about his sister, it was how easily her words lingered inside his mind. It had been bad enough when he was a kid, and his sister – everyone’s favorite – corrected his grammar at every point, as if she’d fallen out of the womb bilingual. It had been more annoying when he’d just started dating and she’d sat him down to tell him that his self-destructive habit of getting drunk at gay bars with guys way too old for him didn’t make him interesting or mature, it just made everybody worry. But it was absolutely infuriating when every time he’d look at Blaine he could hear her voice in his head, calling him dumb for ignoring what she thought was obvious.

It was a shame, seeing how now he couldn’t even enjoy the story of Blaine’s latest, disastrous date without hearing Colette’s faint mocking. Still, as they sat together on his balcony, the bottle of wine he got for pre-gaming dwindling down, he couldn’t help but watch in amazement, as Blaine kept talking.

“…so then we walk down the stairs to his souterrain apartment – because, of course, he lives in the _basement_ of all places. I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable enough going to his place on a first date already.”

“Why didn’t you just say no?” Sebastian asked, trying not to laugh. “Even you have to realize that looking at a hand-written musical score is just a flimsy excuse to get you into his bedroom.”

“Sad enough, I don’t think it was,” Blaine replied, “and I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but…”

“You didn’t want to be rude?” Sebastian finished the sentence. “You’re so lucky you’ve never run into a serial killer, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, sure, I know,” Blaine said, rolling his eyes, “anyway, we walk downstairs, and I’m thinking how fast I can excuse myself, or if I have to text you to call me for some emergency. He unlocks the door, I walk inside – and there’s just this figure in a cloak and a hat, looming at the entrance, and there was a glint of metal, like from a sword.”

“What?” Sebastian asked, staring at him. “You’re making that up.”

“Wish I was,” Blaine said. “So I stumble back, and I may or may not have screamed, and then he flicks on the lights and…” He stopped, as if he had to collect himself before continuing. “Well, right at the entrance of his basement apartment he had this life-size mannequin, dressed up as the phantom of the opera.”

Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud. “You’re _kidding_.”

Blaine was shaking his head, but he was laughing too. “I’m serious,” he said. “He called it his roommate, Sebastian. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?”

“I don’t know, what did you say?” Sebastian asked.

“That I just realized I forgot to take my laundry out of the washer and I really have to go.”

“That’s the best you could come up with?” Sebastian asked.

“There was a phantom of the opera staring at me, what do you want?” Blaine wiped away the hint of a tear as he calmed down. “Do you want to hear the worst thing, though? He texted me what a great time he had and how he was looking forward to the next date.”

“So you opera-ghosted him?” Sebastian asked, raising an eyebrow in jest.

Blaine sighed. “I couldn’t. Kurt set us up, they’re working together. So I actually had to text him that I wasn’t feeling it. He took it well, though. Only sent me like two dozen crying emojis.”

Sebastian was still laughing as he emptied the rest of the bottle into Blaine’s glass. “You don’t think it’s a bit creepy that your ex keeps setting you up on dates? Why is he so invested in you dating someone anyway?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “His main investment is making sure that whoever I end up dating isn’t you.”

“Oh.” Sebastian blinked, and it took him a moment to hide his surprise. It was one thing for his sister to make assumptions, but when did everyone else start? “Why would he expect that?”

“I may have mentioned you a few times when I really wanted to get out of a date,” Blaine said with a shrug. “Also when they’re planning some ex-NYADA hangout. Actually, you’re my go-to excuse.”

“The least you could do is actually hang out with me,” Sebastian said, faking annoyance. At least he tried to tell himself it was fake.

Blaine grinned, clearly not disturbed. “I mean, I usually do,” he said, “like right now, for example. And I do believe you promised me a club and dancing?”

“Drink up and we can go,” Sebastian said with a shrug, trying to hide how secretly pleased he was at this answer.

Blaine did, and Sebastian pretended not to stare at the way his throat moved as he swallowed.

There was nothing wrong with being attracted to a gorgeous guy who knew how to move his body, sang like a dream, was just this close to making it as an actor, and actually could keep up with him in conversation. That’s what Sebastian kept telling himself when they arrived at the club, and after two shots headed to the dance floor. And no matter what his sister or anyone else thought, that didn’t mean he had feelings. It just meant he had taste.

And with this gorgeous guy totally focused on him as they danced, moving almost obscenely close, who could blame him for holding onto his waist, and losing himself in the music?

It was only when he looked down, to find Blaine meeting his eye. In the dim light, his eyes looked almost black. There was a tenderness in his expression, something soft.

It was terrifying.

Of course, Blaine was attracted to him. He hadn’t doubted that from the day they met, how flustered Blaine had been right away. He knew how to ignore attraction. But this was different.

“I’ll be back in a moment,” he shouted down, pretending Blaine could hear him over the music. He ignored the way Blaine looked at him – confused, hopefully not hurt – as he made his way to the restrooms. It was too early for it to be full, and he stopped at the sink, splashing a bit of water into his face.

Maybe he’d overreacted. It probably was just Colette and that stupid idea she put into his head. For a moment, he imagined what it would be like, to have Blaine interested in him. It was a stupid thought, of course – it didn’t change anything about how Sebastian wasn’t equipped to be anyone’s boyfriend. Certainly not Blaine’s, who definitely deserved someone who knew what they were doing.

When he returned to the club, he made a beeline to the bar to get more shots. He looked around the dance floor, trying to spot Blaine. He found him at the edge of the dance floor, and to nobody’s surprise, he’d already managed to pick up some hopeful suitor.

As Sebastian downed the first shot, he watched Blaine talking to this guy, who looked like he really, really wanted to be taken seriously as a songwriter. Technically, the guy was talking. Blaine was mostly nodding and smiling, occasionally glancing in the direction of the restrooms. Sebastian prided himself in being able to read Blaine’s expressions better than anyone. That right there was a polite mask, which probably meant that he was either bored to death or a little uncomfortable. And who did that guy even think he was? Like Blaine didn’t deserve better than some long-haired pseudo goth, who looked like he was trying to catch tuberculosis only to re-enact La Bohème?

He knocked back the second shot, the bitterness of the alcohol mixing with the one in his mind.

He couldn’t exactly complain about whoever Blaine was flirting with, not when he’d taken himself out of the running.

Blaine was holding up his hand, as if to excuse himself, and Sebastian watched him move towards the corridor where the restrooms were. Sebastian was just about to turn back to the bar, maybe get another shot, when he noticed that the Byron wannabe followed. The hair at the back of his head stood up, and he was moving before he even made the conscious decision to do so.

His instincts proved right, when he walked into the corridor to find Blaine pressed against the wall, the guy latched to his lips. Something white and hot flashed through Sebastian, jealousy, loud and screaming. A second later, it turned into ice in his veins, when he realized Blaine was pushing the guy off him.

“Look, I'm not interested,” Blaine said, his voice firm.

“Oh, come on, you must feel there's something here,” the guy said, moving in again.

Something snapped.

Sebastian jumped forward, pulling the guy away from Blaine and throwing him against the opposite wall. He balled his hand and threw his fist into the guy’s face in a punch.

Pain exploded in his hand, and he stumbled backwards.

“What the fuck?!” the guy whimpered, before turning back and fleeing.

Sebastian barely noticed, his mouth open in shock, his hand searing in pain.

That fucking _hurt_!

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

He turned at the sound of Blaine’s voice. He didn’t even have the courtesy to look impressed. Instead, he looked as if Sebastian was completely insane.

“You idiot, what was that?”

Sebastian didn’t quite understand where this situation had gone wrong. Sure, he wouldn’t expect any actual swooning, but… he’d done the right thing. Heroic thing, even. Why was Blaine looking at him like he lost his mind?

“I was defending you,” he gritted through his teeth, trying to ignore the pain.

“By breaking your hand?” Blaine asked, shaking his head. “I had that under control, Sebastian. I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah, I saw that,” Sebastian muttered.

Blaine shot him a look full of venom, and he started to wonder if he was misreading the situation.

“I can defend myself, Sebastian. You don’t even know how to throw a punch.”

“Uh… I think I just did,” Sebastian said, meeting Blaine’s glare with his own.

“Yeah, I saw that,” Blaine said, thoroughly unimpressed. “Your form is awful, by the way. You’re lucky if you didn’t break anything.”

Sebastian blinked, the thought sending a jolt of fear through him. That wasn’t a thing, was it?

Blaine took his hand in his own, carefully pressing the fingers. Sebastian winced at the pain. At least, Blaine’s expression softened as he examined his hand.

“I’m not some damsel in distress, you know?” Blaine asked as his fingers moved over Sebastian’s hand, putting pressure on the joints and watching his reactions. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture. But can you try not to hurt yourself in the process?”

Sebastian sighed, shaking his head. This really hadn’t gone as he expected it. But the tension seemed to have drained, as Blaine finished his examination with one short swipe of his thumb over the skin of Sebastian’s hand, already starting to color.

“Be honest, doc. Will I ever be able to play the piano again?” Sebastian asked, trying to make light of it.

“I’ll probably have to teach you first,” Blaine replied, a slight grin forming on his face. “Just like throwing a punch. There’s a gym in my apartment building. Let’s go some time, I’ll show you.”

“Is that a promise?” Sebastian asked.

“I can’t really let you walk around like this, you’re a danger to yourself,” Blaine said. He hesitated for a moment, then took hold of Sebastian’s sleeve, tugging shortly. “Come on, I’m kind of done for tonight, and we should get some ice for your hand.”

So it probably wasn’t how Sebastian usually pictured the end to a Saturday night – at his own apartment, a bag of frozen peas wrapped around his hand, some old movie running on the tv, sitting on his bed with a guy he had no intention of sleeping with…

He hated to admit it, but it actually felt nice.

* * *

_III – Bargaining_

Sebastian woke with just the slightest hint of a headache, and a warm body on top of him. He blinked several times against the sunlight as he tried to remember the events of last night. The memory came with the throbbing in his right hand – the club, bohème guy, _Blaine_ …

He looked to the man in his arms, the dark curls that had loosened in his sleep. Blaine was still out cold, his breath fanning over the skin on Sebastian’s throat through slightly opened lips, and all Sebastian could think of was what it would feel like to kiss them. Only then did he realize they were still wearing the clothes from last night. They must have fallen asleep over the movie, neither of them even bothering to get changed.

Nothing had happened, they’d just gravitated towards each other in their sleep.

Still, it felt nice.

Sebastian froze at the thought. It felt too nice, that was exactly his problem. He had to remind himself why this was a bad idea. He thought back to his parents, how they’d tried for years, again and again, until they’d finally admitted to themselves and the world that this whole “stay together for the kids” charade had done more harm than good. He thought about all the other couples he knew, most of them messed up in one way or another. The only person he knew who seemed really happy was Santana, and he’d never understood that particular relationship in the slightest.

Blaine moved, his eyes opening sluggishly. “What time is it?” he muttered.

Sebastian glanced to his clock. “Almost eleven,” he replied.

Blaine nodded, the words taking a few moments to sink in, before his eyes widened. “Shit… I’m meeting Tina for lunch!” There was no way he would make it back to his place and to their favorite diner in time.

“It’s fine,” Sebastian said. “You can shower here, your pants are fine, you can borrow a shirt from me.”

Blaine shot him a look of gratitude before getting up.

Sebastian closed his eyes, as his friend got ready. Maybe he should get up, but it was the weekend, and he had to enjoy his free days as much as he could.

He probably dozed off a bit, because the next thing he noticed was the mattress dipping. He looked up to find Blaine sitting beside him, his hair a bit of a mess, wearing one of Sebastian’s dress shirt open over a dark tank top.

“Thanks for letting me crash here,” he said. “And trying to defend my honor. How’s your hand, anyway?”

“Better,” Sebastian said.

Blaine took his hand, letting his fingers ghost over the skin that had bruised over night. “Good,” he said. “Probably not broken, then.”

Sebastian looked up at him, trying not to enjoy the unusual perspective. “So, when can I expect the first lesson?”

Blaine laughed. “Not until that bruise has healed,” he said. “But don’t worry. We’ll get to it.” He hesitated for a moment, but then he bowed down and placed a kiss onto Sebastian’s cheek. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

He was gone before Sebastian could think of something smart to say. Of anything to say, really.

Maybe he sometimes hated his sister. Why did she have to make everything so complicated? A week ago, this wouldn’t even have bothered him. It wasn’t the first time that Blaine had crashed at his place, that they woke up close. But thanks to Colette, he was over-analyzing every word, every look, every thought.

Then again, there wasn’t that much to analyze about waking up, wanting to kiss your best friend.

Attraction, he tried to remind himself. Of course, there was attraction. It had always been there between them, and he knew how to handle that.

The difference was, if it was just attraction, his first thought probably would have been wanting to fuck his friend. Not kiss him. But he kind of wanted both. 

The question was, could he do anything about it?

As he peeled himself out of the bed and forced himself to step into the shower, he couldn’t stop thinking about Blaine. Beautiful, and sweet, and really, better than Sebastian deserved. As the water pelted down onto him, he closed his eyes, and let his imagination wander.

There was no reason to change anything between them. Blaine was his friend – his best friend, really, if only because he was the only one Sebastian hadn’t been able to scare off. He wasn’t sure how Blaine saw their friendship – but he was definitely sharing things with Sebastian that he didn’t tell anyone else. After everything that happened in high school, it was honestly a miracle that Blaine had given him the time of a day. They’d run into each other again at a college party and exchanged numbers. He hadn’t expected anything to come from it, but Blaine – fresh of another breakup – had reached out to him, looking for a friend. Sebastian had sworn to himself not to disappoint that trust again.

So far, he hadn’t screwed up. Was he really going to start now?

But as he closed his eyes he remembered the weight of Blaine resting against him, the tenderness in his expression the night before.

Sebastian wanted him, that was nothing new. But ever since Colette had brought up her hare-brained idea, it had become harder to ignore. And even he wasn’t stubborn enough not to realize why. Desire was one thing. Feelings, though, were a lot harder to put aside.

So what now? What options did he have?

There was the option of a relationship. If Blaine would want anything, that would be it. Romance, a _boyfriend_. Going on dates, sharing lives… with Blaine, it couldn’t just be physical.

Sebastian closed his eyes, trying to imagine what it would look like – a real relationship, not just adding sex to their friendship. But he couldn’t even imagine it. What was a boyfriend even supposed to do? Buy flowers? Sing serenades? Nag at each other?

He had no idea how to be anyone’s boyfriend, definitely not one that deserved Blaine. It was a waste of time to even think about it.

As he stepped out of the shower, another thought entered his mind. There was, of course, the concept of friends with benefits… but he’d barely finished the thought when he discarded it. Like that ever worked out. He might as well take their friendship and shoot it in the face.

He took the towel and started to dry off. As much as he wished there was a loophole, he couldn’t find one. It always came down to the same thing. Blaine deserved better than he could offer. The facts were as simple as they’d ever been.

It had felt better before he understood his own feelings.

Yeah, he definitely sometimes hated his sister.

* * *

_IV – Depression_

Sebastian never really chose becoming a lawyer. It had in a way just been the path of least resistance. Both his father and grandfather had been lawyers, and after Dalton he’d just followed their footsteps to Columbia. The work at the law firm was… fine, really. Maybe a bit dull sometimes. He’d definitely hate it more if he wasn’t so obnoxiously good at it. Still, there were some days that made him wonder if this really was the best path.

Like this Friday. It was late afternoon already, close enough to almost taste the weekend, but here he was in the middle of a meeting, discussing international contracts, and he knew this one would take several hours from here on. He was just refilling his coffee, when his phone started to vibrate. He froze for a moment. There were only a few numbers going through in this mode, reserved for emergencies.

The vibration stopped, only to start again after a few seconds. He glanced at his phone as the call stopped.

Two missed calls from Blaine. And a third one coming in.

He excused himself, not even sure with what, and stepped outside. By this point, it was the fourth call that he answered.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, not bothering with small talk.

“ _Sebastian_.” His name came out as a sob, and he felt his heart clench.

“What happened?” he asked, trying to sound calming.

It took him a moment before Blaine managed to form actual words. Sebastian knew he’d be expected back at the conference room, but he couldn’t be bothered. Not when Blaine sounded so close to breaking and he just didn’t know what he could do to make it better.

“It’s my mom,” Blaine said eventually. “She’s had a stroke, Sebastian. She was at this charity event at Lima General, and suddenly she collapsed, and…” Another sob went through him.

“Fuck, Blaine… I’m so sorry,” Sebastian said. He couldn’t even imagine how Blaine had to feel, with how close he and his mother were. It had to be worse that she was all the way in Lima, that he couldn’t be there with her – last minute plane tickets to Ohio were definitely out of a still struggling actor’s budget. Not out of a lawyer’s budget, of course, and he wondered whether Blaine was desperate enough to just accept a gift without arguing, when his friend spoke again.

“Can you… I know you’re at work, but… can you come over? I need… I don’t want to be alone.”

He wanted to. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t even go back to the conference room. There was nothing he wanted more than to leave, find Blaine, and hold him through it. Anything to stop these sobs, to be there for him.

But this wasn’t a movie. Big gestures were fine for rom coms, but in the real world, that could easily cost him his job. The meeting was too important. He’d barely get away with leaving if it had been his own mother in the hospital.

“Bee… I wish I could,” he said, “but I can’t leave here. We’re in the middle of a negotiation. I’m sorry. I’ll come see you as soon as I can, okay? The minute I’m out of here, I’m coming over. Just… hold on, okay?”

He half expected Blaine to fight, plead, maybe beg, and he wasn’t sure his resolve could hold.

“Okay,” he said instead, his voice wet with tears. “Sure. I’ll wait. Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I’ll see you then.” He ended the call before Sebastian could say one more thing.

He stood in the hallway, his skin numb. He closed his eyes, trying not to imagine Blaine sitting in his apartment, scared, desperate, alone… He wanted to call him back, tell him that of course he’d come, but he knew it wasn’t an option.

It was probably something a good boyfriend would do, though.

“Mr. Smythe? Is there a problem?”

He looked up to the door to the conference room, one of his superiors eyeing him with suspicion.

“Not at all,” Sebastian said, conjuring a confident smile from somewhere. “My apologies. I’m ready to continue.”

He’d never been in a longer meeting. One of his coworkers had colossally screwed up. Usually, Sebastian would have enjoyed it not only for the amount of sarcastic insults flung at the poor guy but also for the obvious advantage his own career would take from it. But today, he felt like he was sitting on pins. Every second he was sitting here was another second where Blaine was alone in his apartment, trying not to fall to pieces.

Good thing they weren’t boyfriends if Sebastian already failed at being a good friend.

By the time they finally were done, it was already dark outside. Sebastian took a look at his watch. Past nine already, and it was almost an hour from here to Blaine’s apartment. He considered calling him, telling him he was on his way, but stopped himself. What was Blaine supposed to do with that information? With his luck, he’d probably get stuck in a traffic jam and take even longer…

He was almost out of breath when he arrived in front of Blaine’s apartment. Another flash of guilt went through him when he remembered that Blaine was alone at the moment, his room mate off on a vacation to Spain. He really had been all alone.

He rang the door bell and waited patiently. He was just about to ring again, when he heard steps on the other side of the door. But when it opened, instead of Blaine, it was Kurt Hummel standing there, looking at him like he was a cockroach.

“What do you want here?” he asked, his voice tinged with a smugness that made Sebastian’s skin crawl.

“I’m here to see Blaine,” he replied, “obviously. So how about you step aside and let me in.” Really, there were a dozen insults he could think of immediately just on the other’s sequined vest, but he had other priorities right now.

“Blaine’s sleeping,” Kurt replied, his voice a hint sharper now. “And I doubt he’d want to see you. His day’s been bad enough already.”

A familiar anger rose inside him, but he pushed it down, tried to remind himself what was important right now.

“He called me,” Sebastian explained, “he told me about his mother. I promised to check in on him.”

“And it only took you a few hours to do so,” Kurt said. “I must say, with such reliable friends it’s no wonder Blaine is doing so well.”

“Blaine’s doing great,” Sebastian replied, “definitely better since he got rid of you.”

It wasn’t his best comeback, but the flash in Kurt’s eyes told him that it was still a hit.

“I’m not surprised you don’t understand this, given how your longest relationship lasted twenty minutes. Just because Blaine and I aren’t’ together doesn’t mean that I don’t care about him. That’s why I’m here when he needs me, and that’s why I’ll keep reminding him of what he’s worth – and that’s more than you can offer him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sebastian asked, even though he knew all too well..

“I know you’re still interested in him,” Kurt said, “but unlike Blaine I know that this interest only goes as far as getting him into your bed. Let’s not pretend you wouldn’t drop him the second you had him. Really, as his friend it’s my duty to protect him from someone like you.”

“Blaine can take care of himself,” Sebastian said, the voice barely above a growl. Blaine’s words had come to him automatically. It wasn’t all he wanted to say. For a second, he thought about defending himself, that he was pretty sure if he’d actively tried to get into Blaine’s pants, he probably would have succeeded – that he had refrained from doing so because he actually cared. But he knew, explaining himself would be a waste of time, and in the end, this was one of the few things he and Kurt Hummel agreed on.

He was not good enough for Blaine.

“Right now, Blaine is vulnerable,” Kurt said. “What he needs is a friend, not some… predator, just waiting to take advantage of him.”

“He wanted me to come,” Sebastian said. “And I’m pretty sure you don’t get a vote on who he sees. Kind of threw that away when you dumped him.”

Another hit, even if he was seriously off his game. What did it matter, though? He could probably force himself into the apartment, but… then what? Wake up Blaine just to show him he was there? Bring a fight to him that he right now had no capacity to deal with? As much as he hated even the appearance of backing down from any confrontation, this one in particular, Blaine didn’t need this right now. And despite all his faults, this was one lesson Sebastian wouldn’t forget.

Blaine was more important than his pride.

“Just tell him I was here,” he said, trying not to let the bitterness bleed into his voice.

He turned away from Kurt, clearly surprised at how easily he went, and left the building. It felt too much like defeat. But then again, this was what he deserved. Wasn’t that the point? A boyfriend would have been there for Blaine, work be damned. Hell, Kurt Hummel had been there for him – and he was just slightly less awful at being an ex-boyfriend than he’d been at being a boyfriend. Sebastian hadn’t even managed to make time to see Blaine. Clearly not boyfriend material. Hell, probably not even best friend material.

He stopped for a moment, just to send a short text, apologizing for being to late. It didn’t feel like it mattered.

With a sigh, he started his way home. He definitely needed a drink.

* * *

_V – Acceptance_

It wasn’t quite early enough to be considered rude, but definitely earlier than Sebastian was used to be up and about on the weekend. The night had been restless, though, and so he found himself back at Blaine’s doorstep the next morning, a paper bag with croissants in one hand.

It took a moment before there was a reaction to his ringing the doorbell, but after a bit, the door opened revealing Blaine. And, well…

He was a mess.

There were shadows under his eyes, his hair looked like a bird’s nest. He was wearing sweat pants and a Dalton hoodie that looked suspiciously large on him, and there were still drops of tears in his eyelashes.

He was fucking beautiful.

At this moment, Sebastian didn’t even remember who he’d been trying to fool, pretending he was anything but hopelessly in love with this man. He could hear his sister’s voice in his head, the sing-song “I told you so” loud as if she was standing beside him. He didn’t even mind. It didn’t even matter.

What did matter was the smile breaking on Blaine’s face as he registered who was standing in front of him.

“Hey,” Blaine said, his voice a bit rough.

“Sorry, I’m kind of late,” Sebastian said. He couldn’t help but smile back. He’d expected Blaine to step aside to let him in, instead he came closer, putting his arms around Sebastian in a hug. Surprised, he pulled Blaine closer. It wasn’t quite the reaction he’d expected after failing to show last night.

“I brought you breakfast,” he said eventually.

Blaine chuckled. “I’ll make coffee,” he said.

Sebastian followed him inside into the overcrowded kitchen. As Blaine fussed around the kitchen, preparing the coffee, Sebastian leant against the counter, trying not to feel out of place.

“How’s your mom?” he asked, when Blaine put the kettle on and seemed to stop for a second.

Blaine looked up, and Sebastian held his breath, but then the smile was back.

“Better than expected,” he said. “I actually talked to her already. She’s awake, she says her left arm still feels a bit weak, but… well, apparently, if you must have a stroke, inside a hospital in front of Dr. Lopez is the way to go. They found and removed the clot in less than an hour, which is apparently insanely fast, so… you never know in the first few days, but she might make a full recovery.” Even as he smiled, the tears returned to his eyes.

Sebastian stepped forward and pulled him back into his arms. Despite the good news, he could feel how drained Blaine was, in the way he clutched Sebastian’s shirt.

“She’s going to be okay,” Sebastian muttered in his hair. “Let’s look at tickets later. Bet you’re dying to see her.”

“Awful choice of words,” Blaine muttered, but when he looked up, he was smiling again.

He stepped away and went back to finishing their coffee. A few minutes later, they were sitting on his couch. Sebastian tried not to enjoy too much how Blaine was leaning his head on his shoulder – still exhausted, but he would be okay.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday,” Sebastian said eventually. “Though it wasn’t for lack of trying.”

Blaine sighed. “I heard. Sorry you came over here for nothing. I was just really exhausted, I don’t think I could have stayed awake any longer.” He hesitated, and there was a shyness in his expression that Sebastian wasn’t used to from him. “I didn’t ask Kurt to come here. It’s just, he called me in the afternoon, I think about that guy I went out with, and he obviously noticed how upset I was, so he came to check on me.”

Sebastian bit his lip, looking away. “He’s your friend,” he said. “And it’s good you weren’t alone.”

“It was,” Blaine admitted, “but he had no right to send you away. It’s not his business. I know he’s trying to protect me, but… well, he doesn’t get it.”

“Told him you can take care of yourself,” Sebastian said. And wow, that one was hard to pull off without sounding petulant.

“The thing is,” Blaine began, and now his voice sounded completely serious, “it’s a good thing he came over, because I really shouldn’t have been alone. But it made me realize something. See, I have several friends I could have called to come over. That I would have been comfortable to have over. But I was just… panicked. And all I could think of was… I need you. I couldn’t even think of anyone else. Just you.”

Sebastian stared at him. “Don’t do this, Blaine,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

It could have been a thunderclap.

Blaine’s eyes glossed over, his mouth forming a silent oh before he looked down, avoiding his eyes.

“Sorry,” he said. “I just… I thought we were… Okay. Never mind.”

He couldn’t stand looking at Blaine like this, upset, embarrassed, and the worst part of it was knowing that he was the one to put that expression onto his face. He took his hand, not allowing him to withdraw even further.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he said, “I just know I would mess it up. I’d be the worst boyfriend, and you know it. I’d disappoint you, I’d hurt you… I’d lose you. And I just can’t.”

At least Blaine didn’t look hurt anymore. Now he looked like Sebastian was completely insane.

“I’m sorry, are _you_ just having a stroke? Because… none of that made sense,” he said eventually. He hesitated, then shook his head, rebuking himself. “No, okay, that was too soon.”

For a moment, they were silent, before Blaine looked up at him again.

“Just… help me figure this out. You do like me, right?” he asked.

Sebastian nodded. Like there was any point denying it now.

Blaine frowned. “And I like you, which… you must have noticed that.”

Sebastian looked away. “I had a feeling,” he said.

Blaine nodded, slowly, as if he was piercing together the points. “So if we’re on the same page here… what’s the hold up? Why don’t you want this?”

Sebastian sighed, wondering just how he could explain what he meant. “Blaine… I’ve never been in a relationship. I have no idea what a boyfriend even does. It’s not that I don’t want it, I just know I’d break it. And you’re too important…”

“Not important enough to give it a try, apparently,” Blaine said.

It was unfair, to put it like that, but Blaine wasn’t giving him time to come up with a rebuttal, to detail all his deliberations.

“It’s a pretty easy situation, Sebastian. I’m in love with you. I’ve been for weeks, probably longer. I know you, the good and the bad. I know you’ve never been in a relationship, that intimacy and vulnerability scare you, how you still feel guilty about what you did to me, how you’re hiding behind your clever remarks and snide comments. I know all of that. And guess what, I want you anyway. The question is, what do you want? Because… look, I’m not a child. If you’re not interested, if you don’t feel that way about me, then I can deal with that. But don’t waste my time, or yours, keeping me at arm’s length just because you think you’re not good enough for me. It’s ridiculous, and frankly a bit insulting, like I can’t make decisions about my own life.”

Now how on earth did Blaine manage to make it all sound so simple, so uncomplicated?

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he finally managed.

Blaine sighed, shaking his head, but slowly, a smile spread over his face. “You’re a smart guy. You’ll figure it out. Now answer the damn question, Smythe.”

Sebastian sighed. Confronted with Blaine, so open, allowing himself to be so vulnerable in a way Sebastian never had worked out, he didn’t even know anymore why he was fighting it.

“Of course I’m in love with you,” he said, surprised at the gentleness in his voice.

It was worth it for the way Blaine’s eyes lit up, and for a moment Sebastian thought he could look at him like that forever – until Blaine pulled him closer, and into a kiss that was anything but innocent.

“Just so you know,” Blaine said when he withdrew eventually, “we’re doing this. You’re not getting out of it now.”

And really, after everything, Sebastian couldn’t think of a reason to argue. He still wasn’t convinced he’d make a halfway decent boyfriend. But hey, Blaine was the one with the experience, so if he thought he was up for the job…

It was probably worth giving it a shot.


End file.
